Read my student council speech and comment please?

Senate Speech


Hi everybody, and as most of you know, I’m Becca Greaney from the class of 2011 and I am running for student council senate. I think our school can be improved and that is why I am running for a seat on the senate. Some things I think that we could change for the better would be the length of the honor code and the length of our day at school. As you all know, our days are extremely long and most of my friends, including me, are tired a majority of the time. I think that if we can alter our schedule even a little bit to change this it would help us concentrate at school a great deal. I have many other ideas that I think would help us progress as a school if I am elected into student senate. I want to be part of BHS’s first student council because I believe that the council will shape the outcome of our high school career will help make the high school run more smoothly. Each decision I make will be to help improve our high school. THE REST CANT FIT SO ILL DO ANOTHER

Read my student council speech and comment please?
sounds sophomoric.


the changes you proposed must be realistic ...will it pass school administrative review? as student in a leadership position (a senator is a leader, though not over entire school) you must look at issues through eyes of the administration/school board; parents, students, and sometimes the community, at large; be able to devise a solution/compromise that will address issues in most effective/efficient means possible.
Reply:Good Job... sounds good to me.
Reply:Very poor please try again.
Reply:terrible my guess is your day isnt that long i see kids getting out of school earlier and earlier
Reply:Interesting. I think you should be more specific about the length of the school day. Do you mean longer or shorter? Somehow I think that is determined by state law and not some kinds in a student council. How about getting with some issues that you can change or at least modify. Maybe healthier lunches, or some type of charity sponsorship, or free tutor service for failing students.....rethink some of your ideas. Good luck. I hope you win!
Reply:interesting concept, except very unrealistic and needs some work.
Reply:lets see.. Im just trying to help. Dont get mad. I think you should revise it. Its confusing! You need to organize the the parts when you say you will do "this" and "that".. And,,, it depends who's voting, If you are in Middle School, Elementary School, or High school... If oyur in Elementary, make it easier and make the vocablulary more easier %26amp; understandable. If you are in Middle school, you should make it more humorous/exiting .. If in High School, I think thatll do, except the part that you need to organize your speech. I think you should write it over..